Some thoughts about a very touchy subject

Hello readers-of-this-blog,

Yesterday I watched the movie trailer for a movie about the infamous California Proposition 8. The movie is entitled, "The Mormon Proposition." Then I watched a video by some of Whit's friends from college, who argued for homosexual marriage.

I have heard, both in person and through other media, and read many arguments against such a proposition. For those who aren't familiar it was a proposition to have marriage remain between man and woman only. Many who were against Proposition 8 have inquired, "if you claim to have any kind of a heart or love for others at all, how could you vote for such a thing as to deny a group of people the opportunity to claim their relationship status as 'married'?"

As a very sensitive person (believe me, I have been a sensitive boy from my youth, just ask my parents and siblings) who voted for the proposition, this statement has caused me to meditate and ponder in great length about my decision to vote for such a denial.

In my sincere and honest soul-searching, I have come to two significant (for me, at least) conclusions about my decision:

1. The ability to separate the act or life-style from the individual is the key to remaining a loving individual and still stand for principles that are difficult for many people to swallow. Some participants on BOTH sides of this issue have tremendously failed in this regard. Because I feel a bit like I am on the defense here :)...I can name several people (not just one) who are homosexual, who I love and respect. I love Mike for his ability to make me laugh and I respect him for his untiring work ethic. I love Paula for her hugs every time I see her. She brightens my day. I love Pam for her terms of endearment that make me feel good about myself. There are several others as well, but these are a few of my most recently made friends and associates who are homosexual. Obviously, this isn't "proof" to anyone who is reading this that I am sincere or without any guile at all. If you really want to know, ask my friends and associates if I have treated them with any more or less respect and love than others and put me to the test. I'm not perfect at all, I know, but to genuinely love and respect everyone around me is, I believe, a gift I have been given. Not once during my voting or my support of Proposition 8, or ever since then, did I harbor feelings of animosity or hatred towards those who voted against the proposition, homosexual or other.
2. What is so beautiful about this country is that you can actually stand up for moral and ethical principles that you believe in and you have the means given to you to fight for them. I'm not just talking about my own beliefs, here, people. If a coalition of Mac Users for Georgia Domination (MUGD) wants to require everyone in the state of Georgia to only purchase and use Apple computers, that is their privilege and their duty, if that is something they truly believe is worth fighting for. I'm sure the Apple company employees would support that! I realize that this particular example is a bit ridiculous, but when my state asks me to take a stand on one side of the re-defining-of-marriage line I will stand on the side of marriage between man and woman every time. That is my privilege and my duty just as much as it is for homosexuals to stand and fight for their side. I must stand where I, personally, believe is right on every issue that is brought before me.

Now I may not be on the same side of an issue as another individual, but this certainly does NOT give me the right to persecute and belittle that person, or treat them any differently than anyone else.

Who is fighting for or against individuals here? Not me. I can look in your face, whether or not I agree with your position, and truthfully tell you that I love and respect you, and that because of who I am and what I believe, this is where I will stand.

Some may be reading this right now and may still think that I have a shriveled heart and a dead soul and that I care not for the feelings and the beliefs of others. If this is the case, all that I can do is to invite you, as the author Charles Dickens wrote long ago, to "Come in! Come in! and know me better..."

Love,

Ben

funny joel

last monday for family home evening we talked about how jesus loves others and all the different ways he served the people he was around. in particular, we talked about how he healed a blind man and gave him his sight.

so today at church, our aunt laurel was sitting next to joel and drawing a picture of bat for joel. as laurel was drawing, she told joel that bats can't see. laurel left to sing with the choir and as she was walking away, joel leans over to me and says:

"mom, mom! did you know that bat's can't see? maybe jesus can give them a blessing and then they can see again!"

haha!

and just because you can't have a post without a picture of cute boys....
*side note - joel is holding oliver because oliver wanted so badly to knock all the blocks over!

Oh, to be a stay-at-home mom...I mean dad

Whitney is in Washington D.C. with her mother and 5 sisters, so I took today and Thursday and Friday off of work to be with my boys...and because we can't really afford to have someone else take care of our kids during three entire work days.

After a day (which, let's be honest here, is not sufficient to really make any conclusions), I could totally do this. I mean, be a stay-at-home dad. I woke up, had breakfast with my boys, got everyone to their preschools on time, fed some lunch, played some old-school supermario brothers and some other non-video games like wrestling and playing "monster," and designed and constructed pretty much the most awesomest train track ever built (Whitney recently bought a ton of tracks cheap from the internet).



Now we're going to eat dinner at Denny's, not because I don't want to make dinner (I totally know that's what you were all thinking), but because that's our tradition every time mommy goes away for a couple of days, just on the first night that she leaves.

Can anyone match the fatty goodness of a choose-your-own-grand-slam meal complete with bacon and sausage? I think NOT!

I'm sure the whole stay-at-home thing gets really old really fast, and it can be way harder lots of the time, but, Oh, what a pleasant day this has been :)

a tisket a tasket....

three dudes in a basket.

and if you wouldn't mind.... i'm a finalist in a giveaway for a photo session by this girl. click here to vote for me. just leave a comment with the word "whitney." thanks!

baby legs. not legwarmers.

so ya, technically they are legwarmers, but the "legwarmers" i purchased are called "baby legs" and oliver IS a baby. the word baby does not imply a specific gender, does it ben?

i have 2 reasons for putting baby legs on my kid:

1. if you hadn't noticed, oliver is a bit rotund. :) i still have yet to find a pair of pants that button around his chubby tummy. i'm serious. i got out a pair of joel and kadin's old size 2T jeans (oliver is only 13 months old), complete with an adjustable waist of course, and even though they are 5 inches too long on oliver, they are too small in the belly. solution: a cute onesie and baby legs!!

2. i just like them. i think they are darling. and i think they are especially darling on oliver... my precious, chubby dude. i mean how can you resist this kid?

i'm 100% positive that ben has NEVER purchased one single item of clothing for any of our children. so i offered to let him take over this job and then i would let him have his way in the "legwarmer" debate. i thought that was fair. he decided not to take me up on that offer. and why would he? he doesn't care what our kids wear... other than baby legs, of course. and i LOVE to buy clothes for our kids. for me, it's one of the many perks about being a mom.

so thanks for all your input... all your positive reinforcement, and even for all your "NOT OKs" :) but this girl is stickin' to her guns. and ben has consented. thanks babe! you can pick out our next kid's name.

thank you uncle sam

we got a pretty good chunk of money from our tax return this year (those child credits are fantastic... hmmmm, maybe we should just keep having kids). so mr. fedex dropped this off at our house today:

ben was so beside himself with delight, he left work early (hopefully his boss doesn't read this). this thing is ginormous. 27 inches. of computer. it seriously cracks me up. its bigger than our old-school tube television. i guess we don't need our tv anymore... at least until we spring for a big flat screen with next years tax return.

the minds of children

so i promise to post a follow up on the heated "legwarmer" debate :) but i had the cutest conversation with joel and kadin the other day and i wanted to write it down before i forgot it.

ben was in virginia over the weekend, so patrick kindly agreed to watch my kids (play wii with them) while lindsay and i went running with the girls on saturday morning. here's what we said on the drive to the primary activity 10 minutes after i picked them up from the young's house:

me: so did you guys have fun playing the wii with patrick?
joel and kadin: ya
kadin: mom, why is baby cooper gone?
me: well, he had to go home to live with heavenly father and jesus.
kadin: he's not at his house?
me: nope :(
kadin: but he's at the hospital, right?
me: well, he went to the hospital because he got sick but then he died and he went to heaven.
joel: but how did baby cooper get to heaven?
me: that's a good question, i don't know. maybe he floated up to heaven. what do you think?
joel: oh, oh, i know mom! i think Jesus has magic.
me: you know joel, i think you're totally right... i think Jesus IS magic.

almost every time i talk with my kids about cooper, its inevitable that i end up in tears. but there's something about their sweet, innocent perspectives that brings me peace and comfort.

Legwarmers? For boys? Really?

This is Ben again.

So, I walked out of our room after putting some clothes away today and what to my wandering eyes should appear? My son...in legwarmers.

I inquired of Whitney whether or not this was some kind of joke. Maybe she was just putting them on him for giggles (remember the tutu post).




But no, my wife, bless her soul, actually bought the legwarmers with the idea that outfitting our little boy with these travesties-of-fashion-design-borne-from-the-80s are actually completely normal and ok for a little boy to wear.

Well, Whitney, I have two words for you: NOT OK.

Not even close.

Just to prove my point further I did a bit of image searching on Google. I searched for every conceivable phrase involving the words "legwarmers" and "men" or "boys" or even "babies." I DARE anyone reading this to find more than 3 or 4 photos of men, boys, or even baby boys that are actually wearing legwarmers. Most likely what you will all find are photos like this:

I couldn't even find a photo of Richard Simmons in legwarmers...at all.

This being said, it's time for all the people reading this to give their answer: Legwarmers for little boys - fashion victory or fashion faux pas?

Women, get your husbands involved. We don't want biased results now do we!

strangers shmangers

a couple of weeks ago oliver had his 1 year check-up at kaiser (can't believe this kid is a year old already!!). he had to miss his afternoon nap for the appointment, but he was still happy as a clam toddling around the injection waiting room. then he walked up to this man and held out his arms and the man lifted oliver up and sat him in his lap. oliver was totally transfixed as the man bounced him and made hushing sounds. and within minutes oliver put his head on the man's chest and started to take a little siesta. i just had to snap a shot. the guy and his wife were pretty amused. love this kid.

random silliness

a few random happenings from the last several days:

1. a NON-ode to costco.... i went to costco last friday evening. it was a kid-free trip that was pleasant and quick until... i get to the checkout stand. i bought two different pairs of shorts for joel that were different prices. the guy scans the more expensive pair twice. except i didn't notice until i was checking over my receipt as i was walking out. i sigh and roll my eyes and hop in the returns line to have them fix it. i wait 30 minutes only to have the guy tell me i need to go to the merchandise pick-up counter. walk back to the merchandise counter, wait 15 minutes. they finally get around to helping me and the lady hands me back my change, receipt and costco card. wait in line at the exit for several more minutes to get a smiley face on my receipt and notice i don't have the stupid shorts! lady forgot to hand them back. i go back and get them and FINALLY walk out the door. nearly an hour of my time wasted for a mere $2.19... all because my cashier was flirting with the cart loader girl. oh costco, how i love thee, how i loathe thee!

2. i went to the park with my kids yesterday. it's just me there and two other women i don't know with their kids. a guy shows up with his son and... his guitar. he starts playing and singing romantic songs like "unchained melody," "all i have to do is dream" and an assortment of beatles love songs. he was totally going for it... singing passionately in all of his warbly-voiced, off-key glory. i'm pretty sure he was there to pick up chicks. an hour later (yes he's still singing away at this point), the two other ladies and i left the park within a few minutes of each other. as i'm walking away, i turn around and the guy is packing up to leave. what do you guys think? was he serenading all the ladies to try and get a phone number? or maybe he just wanted an audience and his audience left. i'm gonna go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt.

3. a typical night in the shafer household. please don't call the CPA on us, but i think this is pretty hysterical (the video is kind of long but you can get the idea from the first minute and a half or so):
there's probably a little too much testosterone around here.